I looked outside the window and traced my finger along the glass. Cold, wet. The Smoke outside was clearing as it was now being replaced by a harsh rain that guzzled down from the sky aggressively. At least rain was tolerable. But we knew once you saw the Smoke, it was time to get the hell out of there. As I watched the rain, I breathed heavily through my gas mask. It was definitely a hassle wearing these things, but it was better to be safe than sorry. I couldn’t say the same about other people. People like my parents. I had only one word for people like them: stupid.
I sighed, then looked around the room. There wasn’t much to do right now. Right now, I was waiting for my little brother, Soren, to return from retrieving the rations. Just recently we ran out of the food our parents used to hoard, so now were forced to receive rations like everyone else. Soren always insisted on getting the rations himself. Despite how many times I offered to go, he always said he wanted some fresh air. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was joking. Sometimes I felt like he was drifting farther and farther away from me each day. But Soren was the only person left that I cared about. He couldn’t leave me.
While gazing around the room, my eyes fell on a gas mask, identical to mine. I was already wearing mine, so whose mask was this? We only owned two gas masks. One for me, one for Soren. We always got things in twos… Then, a terrifying thought appeared in my head. Soren wasn’t wearing his mask. He must’ve thought because it was raining that the Smoke wouldn’t affect him as much. What a complete dumbass.
Without any time to lose, I grabbed Soren’s gas mask and raced out of the house as quickly as I could. I didn’t know exactly where they handed out the rations, but from the times I watched Soren leave the house, I knew it was somewhere on the right side of our neighbourhood. So, I ran off, in the heavy rain, to the most logical place I knew that was in that direction: town hall. It was the staple of our town so surely that’s where they decided to hand out rations. As I zoomed down the street, I couldn’t believe Soren would forget to bring his mask. Did he forget? The first thing we do before we leave anywhere is bring our mask. I’d rather be naked while wearing my mask if it meant I’d be alive the next day. How stupid could he be?!
I reached town hall and sure enough there was a massive line of people waiting to receive their goods. I bent down and put my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I glanced at all the people and thankfully most of them were wearing masks. Good on them. Unfortunately, the person I was looking for was stupidly not wearing one. At least it would be easy to find him.
I walked along the line of people and scanned faces and faces. I ignored those wearing masks and searched for the soft face of my brother. He was always so careful and smart. Why did he have to make me look for him and give him the stupid mask? I was nearing the front of the line and began getting anxious. What if he got caught in the Smoke and didn’t even make it here? What if he was already dead? I tried to shake off these thoughts, but they invaded my mind, just like the Smoke does to your brain. I kept walking forward and forward until I reached the front. None of them were Soren.
I approached the soldiers handing out the rations and asked, “Excuse me, has Soren Alto passed by here already?”
One of the soldiers looked at the clipboard then answered, “Yes, ma’am, he did. He checked out two water bottles, two cups of noodles, and two apples.”
I sighed in relief. “Okay, thank you. Did you happen to notice where he went?”
He shook his head. “No, ma’am, unfortunately I have not.”
“Okay. Thank you anyways.” I walked away from the station and surveyed the area. The rain continued pouring down over us but I could see that there was no-one else around besides those getting their rations. Where on Earth could he have gone? While searching the field, I catch a glimpse of a bright red jacket in the distance. Soren’s jacket was the exact same colour.
“Soren!” I yelled, sprinting over to him. I clutched the gas mask in my chest, eager to stuff it into his face. He turned around and became wide-eyed at the sight of me.
“Caitlin,” I heard him say as I finally reached him. “What are you doing here?”
I was still trying to catch my breath as I responded to him, “I was trying to-- find you-- to-- to give you--” I coughed. I gave up on speaking and pushed the mask in his face. “Your mask.” I managed to say.
“Oh,” Soren said, grabbing it hesitantly.
I wrapped my hands around my stomach, squinting at him through the rain. “Well? Aren’t you gonna put it on?”
“Well… no,” Soren said, letting it fall out of his hands and onto the ground.
I gasped, then said,"What the hell, Soren?!" I quickly picked up the mask and wiped it down gently, checking for any damages.
He ignored my outrage and continued speaking. “Yesterday while getting our rations I met some people that told me that the masks are actually more dangerous than the Smoke.”
My mouth fell in disbelief. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from him. Only the conspiracy theorists thought that. Only stupid people thought that. Only our parents thought that. What kind of monster let Soren believe this?
I tried to reason with him. “No, Soren, the masks aren’t dangerous, they protect us. We’ve been wearing them for months and we are completely fine.”
“Oh yeah? Then how do you explain that uncontrollable coughing you were experiencing last week where you couldn’t breathe when you took off your mask?”
I replied in confusion. “I have asthma! You know that!”
Soren shook his head. “No, the government is hiding something from us. I bet they created the Smoke to make us wear these masks--that by the way, they gave us--and that someday they’ll use it to control our minds!”
I scoffed in disbelief. “Soren do you hear yourself right now? You sound like a lunatic. Are you really going to put your life in danger just because some other lunatic told you the government is trying to control us? People have died because they weren’t wearing masks.” I grabbed his hand. “Mom and dad died because they refused to wear a mask.”
With the mention of our parents, Soren looked down, “You’ve never liked mom and dad, so don’t pretend you cared about their death.”
I stomped my foot and exploded. “Well they treated me like crap for my whole life!” Soren flinched and backed up away from me quickly. I took a deep breath, then apologized. “Sorry. But you get what I’m saying. Wearing a mask will save your life.”
He crossed his arms and looked away. “This is my choice. Don’t take this away from me.”
“Where is this coming from, what are you talking about?” I asked. He didn’t answer. Still, I couldn’t just leave him here by himself. I sighed. “Will you at least come home with me? I heard you were able to snag some apples and I’d love to have one right now.”
He nodded. “Sure, I got two of them. One for me, one for you.”
“Perfect,” I said. We made our way together, the rain still plummeting down. Hopefully the rain will keep the Smoke away from us, at least until we get home. It would at least give me some time to talk some sense in Soren before the next wave arrives. According to the cycles we’ve tracked, the Smoke shouldn’t be back until at least an hour. But then again, the Smoke is very unpredictable.
As we walked on our path to home, we noticed a couple of people evacuating their homes and loading up their cars. They ran around the house with urgency and worry on their faces. This made my anxiety spike.
Without hesitation, I ran up to a person sorting out their trunk and asked, “Hey, why are you guys in such a rush to leave?”
The woman didn’t look up and spoke fast, “There’s a big wave coming-- big! More dangerous than ever! They said on the radio that it would cover the whole city in only a few minutes! It’s coming soon, you guys should get going as well!” She ran off back into her house without another word.
I grabbed my brother’s shoulder. “We have to get out of here, Soren. It’s not safe.”
He shrugged me off. “I told you, I’m not scared of a little smoke. Let it come.”
I kept pleading with him. “Please, I don’t wanna lose you! We’re all we have left. Can’t you just do it for me?” Why did he insist on breathing that damn smoke?
Thankfully, though, Soren’s face softened. “Okay,” He said, “I’ll get the car ready.”
I sighed in relief. “Thank you. I’ll grab our bags and take as much as we can.”
I raced inside the house and started filling up our bags to the brim. Empty water bottles, matches, med kit. Clothes, tooth brushes, toothpaste. My inhaler. Everything else I leave behind. I take one final look at the living room, the place I grew up in. Everyday I counted down the days when I would get to leave this place, but despite all the pain that came with growing up here, maybe I’ll miss it. Maybe only for a few days.
My eyes settled on the picture of my family hanging on the wall. Soren, me, and my parents. The only thing I can think about my parents when I think about them is their words. Don’t be stupid, Caitlin. Only stupid children say that, Caitlin. No, they were stupid. They were the ones who didn't wear the mask.
I took a look at Soren, appearing so young. Where was the Soren I used to love and know? All I know is that the brother outside is someone I can no longer trust to protect himself. I’ll need to put my mask on as if my life depended on it.
My thoughts are interrupted with a horrifying scream emitting from outside. I take a look outside the window and feel my body go cold. A gray cloud of smoke was coursing in, thicker and faster than I had ever seen. I saw a woman fall to the ground, shaking erratically. But I had only one thought. Soren. And he still wasn’t wearing a mask. I threw the bags around my shoulders and raced outside, grasping the mask in my hand. I needed to put it on him. I needed to force it onto his stupid head and ignore all of his delusional thoughts. I bolted up to the car and pounded on the window furiously until Soren finally opened the door.
“What do you want?!” He asked, climbing out.
“The Smoke is coming, put this on!” I said, shoving the mask in his face.
He pushed me away with his hands and covered his face. “No, I don’t want to!” In spite of his protests, I forced the mask in his face, struggling to put it on for him. But despite my efforts, I couldn’t get the damn mask on.
“Stop!” Soren yelled. He pushed me off him and sent me stumbling. “For the last time, I’m not going to put it on!”
I cried, my voice breaking into a million pieces. “Please, Soren. You know the Smoke is toxic, I know some part of you still knows it.”
“I’m sorry, Cait,” He said, walking away. He looked away, refusing to look into my eyes.
“No!” I screamed, going after him. “Don’t leave me! You can’t leave me! You’re all I have left!” But by now the Smoke was right on us, engulfing the whole area. There was no way anyone without a mask could survive this much smoke. There was no time for Soren to run.
I felt my chest begin to strain causing me to collapse to the ground. I looked up and saw Soren inhaling the deadly smoke, filling his lungs with poison. I watched as his eyes rolled back into the corners of his head, turning them into a sickly white. I watched as his body limped to the ground without even the sound of a thud or convulsion. The worst part was that he didn’t even try to fight it, he just let the Smoke invade his body. Only after a few seconds did the Smoke take over the entire area, blurring my vision. Now, I could no longer see his body through the thick smoke, as it disappeared in the blink of an eye. I knew he was right in front of me. But not anymore.
My throat tightened. Then, I started coughing followed by wheezing I hadn’t experienced since my last asthma attack . My eyes widened in fear as I looked at the Smoke surrounding me. This smoke was different. Deadlier. I couldn’t stay here any longer. I focused on breathing and jumped into the car without a second thought. I drove out of there as quick as I could, speeding up faster and faster. I smashed and punched and slapped my hands on the steering wheel. Stupid, stupid, stupid Soren. With a shaky breath, I took one last look behind me. He was gone. On my lap laid the mask that I tried so desperately to give him. Now, I had two of them. One for me, one for… emergencies.
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